Why Is My Child Shouting Threats and other things at 3am — and Why Can't Anyone Else Hear Them? The fascinating, exhausting, occasionally hilarious link between neurodiversity and nighttime shenanigans.

It is 3:17am. I know this because I have just been jolted awake by my son Harri, who is — with extraordinary conviction — demanding to know why we don't just "take it apart and start again." I do not know what he is taking apart. He is currently also issuing a threat involving Georgia being thrown across the garden and something ominous about a broken pinky. Harri is not a violent child. He is, apparently, a very passionate dreamer.

What baffles me most is not the content of these proclamations — vivid, specific, slightly threatening — but the fact that his siblings sleep right through them. Every single time. I lie there wide awake, marvelling at the injustice, while the house otherwise breathes in peaceful silence around one very loud, soon be 13 year old, boy.

If you are reading this at an ungodly hour with a cold cup of tea and the thousand-yard stare of a parent who has not slept properly in recent memory — welcome. You are in the right place. And as it turns out, this is all deeply, fascinatingly connected to how our neurodivergent children's brains are wired.

First, The Science — Because It Helps

Sleep disturbances in neurodivergent children are not a parenting failure. They are not a discipline problem. They are, at their core, a neurology problem.
Research shows that more than 90% of children with neurodevelopmental conditions experience sleep difficulties, compared to fewer than 25% of typically developing children. That number stops me every time I read it. Nine out of ten.

The connection between neurodiversity and disrupted sleep comes down to brain architecture. Many of the same regions of the brain that regulate attention, emotional processing and sensory input are the very same regions that govern sleep.

When those systems are wired differently — as they are in ADHD, autism, PDA and related profiles — sleep is often wired differently too.

There's also the matter of melatonin. Many autistic people have a mutation in genes regulating melatonin, resulting in a "flat melatonin curve" — meaning their bodies often don't feel tired or send the same level of tired cues at night - which is also why many of the parents I have worked with have told me, incredulously, that they regularly have their young child arguing with them at 23:00 saying, 'but I'm just not sleepy.'

Many children with ADHD face their own version of this. One hypothesis suggests that people with ADHD don't have an accurate circadian clock, which may also explain why many find it more difficult to judge the passage of time — and why being away from artificial light, like on a camping trip, actually helps with sleep patterns. (I cottoned onto this early on and ensured every single one of my children had block out blinds AND curtains. It's night time in my house when Mommy says it is). That sounded a bit more threatening than intended. Apologies - I am tired.

But really, imagine being asked to fall asleep when your body simply hasn't been told to. This doesn't fully switch off when they finally do drop off. The brain continues processing, activating, and — in Harri's case — apparently holding firmly to its opinions about structural problem-solving and sibling justice.

"Children with ADHD describe their thoughts as 'too loud' at night. Their brains are wired to seek stimulation, making the quiet stillness of bedtime feel almost painful" (Blue Bird Day Program). 

Sleep Talking: When the Brain Won't Clock Off

Sleep talking — the official term is somniloquy — is classified as a parasomnia: an unusual or disruptive event that occurs during sleep.

Research published in the Journal of Sleep found that children with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience parasomnias, including sleep talking, than their neurotypical peers. The reason, researchers believe, is that the ADHD brain doesn't fully deactivate during sleep. The hyperactive, stimulus-seeking circuitry keeps ticking — processing the events of the day, revisiting problems, and occasionally issuing strongly-worded communiqués about what should happen to younger sisters.

Sleep talking tends to be most intense in the early hours, often between 2 and 5am, when sleep cycles shift. I can confirm this from lived experience. The research and I are in full agreement.
A small and extremely cold comfort: children are almost always entirely unaware that they are doing it. The sleep talker sleeps on, blissfully unbothered, while the rest of the household contemplates early retirement.

Night Terrors & Sleepwalking: The Stuff of Ghost Stories

My eldest child, Olivia — who does not talk in their sleep — gave me an entirely different category of sleepless nights when they were small. Between the ages of two and five, Olivia was a sleepwalker with a flair for the dramatic.The walking I could manage. The night terrors were harder.There were nights when Olivia was completely inconsolable — distressed, unreachable, unable to be comforted. I learned that you cannot reason with a child in the grip of a night terror, because they are not truly awake.

The kindest thing you can do — the thing I eventually figured out, sitting on the floor in the dark with my hand in their hair — is simply to be present. To stay. To not try to wake them or fix it, but to wait it out alongside them.

Both children with ADHD and autism experience a higher rate of parasomnias, including sleepwalking and night terrors. Up to 50% of autistic children experience one of these at some point. What I didn't fully understand at the time was that unlike a nightmare, a child experiencing a night terror is deeply asleep and completely unaware — there is no lasting effect on the child, only on the parents watching.

And then there was the phase I think of as Olivia's horror film era. I will confess to my own parent's failings here: my Dad let me watch horror films as a very young child, and I brought that particular psychological legacy with me into parenthood.

This became extremely relevant when Olivia began sleepwalking into my room at two in the morning — eyes wide open, standing silently over my bed. There were many nights when I woke to find them there and immediately reached for my phone to google "possession." I considered saging the house. I don't actually believe in saging the house. But I absolutely would have given it a go.

Autism Resources South Africa notes that autistic people are more likely to experience the full range of parasomnias — including sleep paralysis, sleepwalking and night terrors — and also tend to spend significantly less time in REM sleep than neurotypical people. REM sleep is where the brain consolidates memory and processes emotion. Less of it, and everything is harder during the day.

Kicking, Twitching & The Unfortunate Bedfellow

My youngest, Georgia, has never been particularly parasomnic. She does, however, kick with an enthusiasm that has made sharing a bed with her a short-lived experiment on the handful of occasions I've tried. This too has a name — restless legs syndrome — and it is more common in neurodivergent children than in the general population. Restless legs syndrome affects around 10% of the general public, but an alarmingly high rate of up to 50% of individuals with ADHD. Georgia has not had any diagnosis yet and for now, is considered neurotypical like her mother. But unlike Georgia, I occupy a small portion of my bed and anyone sleeping alongside me is highly unlikely to wake up with a broken appendage.

For context: I was also once married to a man who wandered the house in his sleep, moved objects around, and once removed the entire duvet from the bed and left it in the bathroom.

I learned to lock the front door and remove the key so he would not go wandering off into the neighbourhood. In hindsight, I perhaps should simply have let him roam. It would have made my life considerably easier a great deal sooner.

I am making light of this — sleepwalking in adults does warrant proper assessment, particularly where there is any risk of leaving the house — but sometimes, with the gift of time and distance, you can find the funny side... Especially once you have freed yourself from their narcissistic clutches. But that is a whole different article. 

But Why Don't the Siblings Wake Up?

This is the question that haunts me most. Harri could be delivering a keynote address at 3am and his siblings would sleep through it without so much as stirring.

The answer, somewhat anticlimactically, is straightforward:

 neurotypical children's brains are remarkably efficient at filtering out background noise during sleep. Neurodivergent children often struggle with exactly this sensory filtering even while awake — and that difference extends into the night. The siblings are not being inconsiderate. 

Their brains are just doing what neurotypical brains do very well, which is, in its own quiet way, absolutely insufferable. Olivia sleeps through it all because Olivia sleeps with white noise and a fan on every single night, even in the middle of winter. 

What Can You As A Parent Actually Do About It?

Here is the part where I offer you not a miracle, but a toolkit. These are evidence-informed strategies — the kinds of things that have a genuine research base and that I use when working with families. None of them will work immediately or perfectly. All of them are worth trying, consistently, over time.

For sleep talking:

Do not try to wake your child when they are sleep talking. Gently lead them back to bed if needed, and they will likely settle on their own.

 Sleep talking is harmless to the child — the disruption belongs entirely to whoever else is awake. Reducing the intensity of the day before sleep can help: neurodivergent brains need as much as 2–3 hours to transition from active mode to sleep mode — not the 30 minutes that typical sleep advice suggests.

 Wind-down time is not optional; it's neurological necessity. White noise in the room can also help muffle episodes enough that other family members are less disturbed.

For night terrors and sleepwalking:

Do not try to wake a child mid-terror. They are unaware of you and rousing them abruptly can extend the episode. Stay close, keep them physically safe, and wait. For sleepwalkers, protect the environment: clear the floor of hazards, lock external doors, and block stairways. Most children outgrow sleepwalking naturally.
If night terrors occur at a predictable time each night, speak to your paediatrician about scheduled awakening — a technique where you gently rouse your child about 15 minutes before the usual episode to interrupt the sleep cycle pattern.

For overall sleep-in neurodivergent children:

Choosing a consistent bedtime and wake time is the single most impactful behavioural step — consistency helps your child's natural melatonin production kick in. 

Beyond that:

Use visual timetables rather than verbal reminders, and plan deliberately for transitions — turning off screens or devices needs to be part of the routine, not a surprise. Neurodivergent children thrive on knowing what to expect; the routine itself is regulating.

Create a sensory-friendly sleep environment.

Keep the room dark, consider white noise, pay attention to fabrics and textures — if your child has sensory needs during the day, they almost certainly have them at night too. 

Keep "worry conversations" away from bedtime.

Give your child a designated time earlier in the evening to process whatever is on their mind — so that the moment the lights go out is not the moment the brain decides to surface everything unresolved.

Melatonin can be helpful in jump-starting a sleep routine, but it is considered a supplement and should be discussed with your child's doctor before use.

In South Africa, Autism Resources South Africa (autismresources.co.za) is an excellent locally-based resource for sleep guidance.
Stellenbosch University's Department of Paediatrics & Child Health has also been actively involved in neurodevelopmental research relevant to Southern African families, and is worth consulting if you are seeking specialist paediatric input.

A Final Word, at Whatever Hour You're Reading This

Harri is asleep right now. Quiet for nearly an hour. I am aware I am tempting fate by writing that sentence.
I love him to absolute bits — the fierce, loud, dreaming, demanding, hilarious entirety of him. Including the 3am engineering reviews. Mostly.

What I want you to take from this — beyond the statistics and the strategies — is that the nighttime chaos in your house is not random.

It is not a sign that you are doing something wrong. It is your child's brain being exactly the kind of brain it is, in the dark, when no one told it to stop. Understanding the why doesn't always fix the what — but it makes it easier to sit with. To wait it out. To keep your hand in their hair until it passes.And to not google possession at 3am.(No promises on the saging.)