The PDA cycle

The relentless embrace and urgent declarations of love aren't just sweet gestures; for one mother, that being me, they're a daily measure of my eldest daughter's struggle with Pervasive Demand Disorder (PDD), exacerbated by a recent discharge from a clinic for depressive psychosis. 

While my daughter is "a lot better," this "better" translates into a demanding routine of co-regulation. Imagine responding to over 200 "I love you’s" by lunchtime, each demanding an immediate reply, alongside countless hugs – regardless of time or place. This isn't a plea for attention; it's a manifestation of a deeper neurological response. 

The Limbic System: A Brain Under Siege The brain's limbic system, responsible for emotions, memory, and behaviour, plays a crucial role in PDD. For individuals like my daughter, Olivia, anxiety and the subsequent "fight" attacks – whether expressed as intense demands or physical clinginess – are not a conscious choice. Their limbic system is essentially stuck in overdrive, perceiving a constant threat and demanding reassurance to feel safe. This isn't defiance; it's a survival mechanism. 

This understanding is vital for parents like me who, despite my immense love, must admit to moments of overwhelming frustration. I know how important co-regulation is but I also know how hard it is for me to constantly make the deliberate effort to manage my own reactions while providing the constant reassurance my daughter needs. 

The physical toll is evident too, with accidental bumps leading to extensive bruising due to my APS – a stark visual reminder of the constant invasion of personal space. It IS hard. And our journey is a cyclical one, a familiar rabbit hole we've navigated before, and one I anticipate revisiting. Yet, beneath the exhaustion, there's an unwavering love and a quiet determination to "get there... again... to a better place." This isn't about choice; it's about navigating the complex, often unseen, battleground of the brain. And all we can do is try.